Happy December! I hope your Thanksgiving was whatever you needed it to be this year. We celebrated quietly (minus the cheering for the Detroit Lions!) and it was perfect for us.
This has been a very busy fall season for me, working with clients (both parents and kids), doing some speaking engagements, and taking my classes in Family Life Education and Coaching through the graduate school at NC State University. I’ll be graduating at the end of April and I’m super excited about what I’m learning and how it is helping me better serve my clients.
I’ve been having some great conversations with my teen and young adult clients about their phone use and social media habits. Many of the have expressed how frustrating it is to “need” to be connected while knowing that they’d probably have less drama and more focus if they weren’t plugged in all the time. When I talk with parents, they tell me how they’re sick of fighting with their kids over screen time and that taking the phone as punishment doesn’t have the impact they wish it would. What are we all supposed to do?
I’ve had a few high points and low points in these discussions. One high point was when a high schooler’s parents took back some control of their child’s phone by making sure it was off and being kept in their room overnight. They also tightened up which apps their kid could access during the school day. Was she happy about it? Not at first…but then she admitted that she was sleeping better and that now she understood how the constant connection was affecting her. A low point was when I asked a middle school student if she liked to read and she said “I used to but not anymore.” When I asked her why, she pointed to her phone and said “I think that thing has destroyed my concentration.” She’s right – it’s doing that and a whole lot more.
These conversations inspired me to do something I’d been thinking about for some time: have a monthly online book club for moms of tweens, teens, and young adults. No cost, no obligation to read the whole book, no sales pitch from me about my coaching practice. Just an opportunity to learn and bond with other moms over some interesting books that I’ve chosen.
The first one will be held on Sunday January 5th, 2025 from 7-8:15pm Eastern time. The link to get on the mailing list is here:
https://www.mindfulhealthandharmony.com/book-club/
I hope to see you there! In the meantime, please check out these suggestions.
5 Tips to Helping Your Kids with Healthy Phone Use
- Do an audit of their phone with them; see what apps they use and have a discussion about what they like about them and how they make them feel. Look with your kids at how much time they are spending on the device (and show them yours too.) It’s often eye-opening for everyone.
- Talk about what your rules are and remind them of the dangers of sharing personal information or inappropriate pictures. Be clear about the consequences if you find they’ve used the phone in a reckless manner. Remember, unless they’re paying for it, it’s not “their phone” – it’s a phone you let them use. Make that clear from the beginning.
- Keep phones, Apple watches, and iPads or other tablets in your room overnight, even if you haven’t previously enforced this. Their sleep depends on it!
- Model good phone and device habits yourself – it’s not just the kids whose concentration is being ruined. Hold yourself to a higher standard too.
- Be careful about threatening to take their phone away. If you lay out good ground rules and stick to them, you’ll be less likely to have to do it but if they violate those rules, they will know what’s coming. Don’t make empty threats.