It’s mid-July and already my clients are telling me that they are getting “Back to School” emails. Neither kids nor parents are ready since it feels like summer just started! I hope that you’ll wring every last bit of fun out of this down time but as a coach, I’m always looking ahead too. I love to share ideas and strategies that move families forward. I hope you’ll consider some of the following ideas that may work for you and your kids as the new school year begins.
- Let them know that you’re ok with them getting a B or even a C as long as they’ve done their very best. School is not about being perfect, it’s about learning subject matter and learning how to learn! Remember that sometimes a bad grade has nothing to do with their effort or preparation.
- Allow your kids to handle communication with teachers until it becomes obvious that you need to step in. Help them craft an email or roleplay a conversation but let them give it a shot first.
- No one should obsessively check the online grade portal, you or them! Grades and assignments are not added immediately and there is no reason to be on it all the time. Come to an agreement with your child about how frequently each of you will check and then have a conversation about what it says, not an argument. Remember: a missing assignment doesn’t always mean it didn’t get done – it might just not be graded yet.
- Set rules around phone/device time even if you haven’t previously done it. You have the power to set screen limits, keep the phone or iPad in your room overnight, and even to turn off the WiFi if needed. Their developing brains won’t recognize that they need a break so it’s up to you. Tell them it isn’t punishment for something they’ve done. Instead, tell them you’ve done some research about brain development, mental health, and screen time and since it’s your job to protect them, this is what your family is now doing.
- Keep a family calendar in an obvious place so that everyone is on the same page. You can decide what goes on it together. When everyone is in the loop, you lessen the possibilities of last minute freakouts.
- Make your home their safe, stable place by having boundaries and rituals in place: device-free family dinners at least a few times a week (takeout or home cooking, either is fine!), maybe a game or movie night, or a family meeting once a month. There are so many temptations and influences out there these days; make sure their anchor is at home.
It’s so hard to not buy-in to this crazy, competitive, busy pace that we’ve been told is “the only way.” It’s not the only way. You get to decide the best way for your family and co-create the future with and for your kids. Take a deep breath, make a few family rules that benefit everyone, and see what happens.